“He laughed in my face and said whatever… Do one u kafar b***h'”
Testimonial (Real Case Study):
My family were just the average working class people and we lived a westernised lifestyle. Unlike many other girl’s from my community, I had many privileges due to the trust and western outlook of my parents. One such privilege was being able to go into higher education and attend University; through which I made many friends from all different faiths and backgrounds. During my years at university I befriended a a boy from a different faith. I was aware that interfaith relationships were not accepted by my family; however, I did not let this stop me accepting the young boy’s offer of courting me.
I spent a lot of time with Naz, during my time at University we began to get closer to each other and began to build a relationship. Naz was nice to me he was genuine. He always told me he loved me and cared about me and someday would marry me. He was always taking me out and buying me gifts and showing gestures of affection. Just after our finals our relationship was getting stronger and by this point our relationship had become very intimate.
At University a talk was happening about real life cases on conversions and grooming. The matter interested me so I attended the talk. The speaker was a put forward many real life cases with recorded interviews with girls who had been victims of the prey of groomers. The lecture was a shock to my system, the speaker highlighted some points that seemed to hit a nerve but also opened a pool of knowledge that up until now I had been oblivious to. After the talk I felt so guilty knowing that I had been sleeping with someone who had been grooming me for the past four years.
I began to have serious thoughts about my future and realised if I married Naz I would have to convert to his religion. He had already told me this and that my children would also need to follow his religion. I would have to sacrifice my beliefs and values and any association with my family or members of other communities and faiths. My parents have given me so much freedom to have an education, dress how I please and have never forced me to practice any particular religion or stereotypes. They have allowed me to live an equal life to my brothers and have never treated me any different to them, this would all change if I stayed and married this boy.
I met Naz a few days later and told him about my feeling and I was upset, I wanted to break off from the relationship because I was worried what’s going to happened after marriage based on the conditions he has put on our relationship. The reaction I got made me cringe and sick, I wished that I could turn the clock back and never allowed such scum in to my life. He laughed in my face and said ‘whatever… Do one u kafar b***h’ and those words till this very day ring in my ears’ I realise, everything he did, everything he said was false. He was manipulating me to do as he wished. As soon as I refused, he was ready to cut me off as if I was nothing. I was so so stupid thinking that he actually loved me… how could I have not seen this? I was blinded by his words and he knew how to play on my insecurities and vulnerabilities.
I was in a deep sense of shock I felt dirty and unclean I felt so used and ashamed of myself and ashamed of what I had done. I was at such a low point i did not know what to do or who to talk to. I could not speak to my friends and family as I was afraid of looking stupid and being judged. I was also scared about how my family may disown me. I had come across the Sikh helpline on Facebook so I decided to contacted the Helpline.
The Sikh Helpline were so understanding and sympathetic and put me at ease. I explained to them what had happened to me and how I was feeling about myself, they did not judge me, they were very supportive and helped me. I would like to thank the volunteers at the Sikh Helpline for helping me sort out my life. They stopped me form losing all hope and faith in mankind. They helped me to realise there are people to help me no matter what and also helped to me speak my family, mediating the first few conversations. This was a great help and relived a lot of pressure from me. It was easier for someone who understood the cultural sensitivities and also the concept of grooming to explain to my parents how I had been brainwashed and not to judge me – I was a vicitm in this.
I would like to share my story with everyone, but especially other girls and women who are in the false Illusion that I was under with this boy. He did not love me or care for me, no matter how genuine they seem to be. Anyone can be subjected to grooming.
DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU? ARE YOU OR SOMEONE WHO YOU KNOW GOING THROUGH THIS OR SOMETHING SIMILAR? PLEASE DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE HERE TO HELP AT THE SIKH HELPLINE, 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK. PLEASE CONTACT US USING ONE OF THE METHODS ON OUR CONTACT US PAGE.